#003 - Wolverine Grill

228 West Michigan Avenue, Ypsilanti, Michigan, 48197 (Yelp page)

---

Wolverine Grill (or Wolverine Restaurant) is located on Michigan Avenue, right downtown Ypsilanti across from the public library. It is such a perfect slice of American Diner Pie that it's been in the movies as such. My Lovely Girlfriend and I ate there for brunch on Saturday, January 23, 2010. MLG had the Greek Scramble, and I had two hotcakes and the Breakfast Burrito. The burrito cost $3.95. Wolverine Grill Breakfast Burrito is RECOMMENDED, and additionally receives ONE STAR(!).

---

So I was planning to very picky with my ratings on this site, and not turn it into some love-fest for my beloved burritos. I was perversely pleased that the Zingerman's Roadshow breakfast burrito bombed so hard, because it gave me a chance to show that yes, I could find a burrito that I would not eat again. I was patting myself on the back for showing professional standards, and not just fawning over anything that comes wrapped up in that familiar, lovely, tortilla package.

Then came Wolverine.

MLG and I rolled in around lunchtime last Saturday, and while there was no burrito of any sort listed on the menu, the special board listed a "Breakfast Burrito w/ Gravy." I was skeptical about its ability to fill me up, considering it only cost $3.95, so hotcakes were ordered in addition. The staff was great throughout, from ordering onward - the kind of ladies who seem to work only in diners in Mid-America, who call people hun, laugh at your half-hearted, pre-coffee humor, and tell you enthusiastically how much you'll like what you just ordered.

They were right.

The burrito came out smothered with spicy sausage gravy, and was, even by the overkill standards of diner-style breakfast, fairly massive. While it may not look so enticing in the camera-phone picture over there, the smell, heft, and presence of this thing were delightful, even before the first bite. Comparisons to the Zingerman's burrito seem inevitable, being reviewed so close to one another.

Zingerman's did not stand a chance.

As with the last breakfast burrito, there were eggs and meat, but there were also fried onion strips, and chunks of fresh green peppers, as well as fluffy hash browns. The meat was comprised of dozens of little diced up bits of sausage links; the veggies were proudly mixed in. Each bite filled with all the various flavors present - the smoky meat, the sweet onion, and the crisp pepper over the solid background of egg and potato. The gravy over top made the whole thing an even more complete experience, as it wrapped up every bite.

And what gravy!

Occasionally, in my extensive experience with breakfast gravy, I come across gravy that is good. Most of the time, I'm sad to say, the gravy is deficient in some way - slimy like undercooked eggs, sticky like paste, or bland like . . . well, paste. Not here. This is gravy the way it is meant to be. The bits of sausage within give it pop, and the texture is such that you know what you're eating might not be the best for you but holy schamoley, do you love it.

That was not the best part.

The best part was that the various things that made up this burrito all just fell into place so perfectly. The various bits all sublimated themselves into a remarkable, alchemical whole. This is the reason I like burritos, for that bite when the various sensations all come together in a way that gives them more value than they have on their own merits. And for $3.95? Impossible. They could charge $7.00 for this thing at The Bomber, or $10.00 at Zingerman's, and people would still rave over it. But don't. Go there now, and rave over it for $3.95.

Regarding its status as a "special" item - the "specials" list looked pretty permanent. If it's not there, try something else, and I doubt you'll go wrong. My hotcakes killed, and MLG's Greek Scramble may have been even better than my burrito, if that's possible. Tell them Luke sent you (no seriously, our server Juanita was so nice, she asked for our names, and while I was paying our ludicrously small bill, they asked MLG if she wanted to adopt a puppy. No joke).

#002 - Zingerman's Roadshow (at the Zingerman's Roadhouse)

2501 Jackson Avenue, Ann Arbor, Michigan, 48103 (yelp page for Roadhouse) (menu online)

---

Zingerman's Roadshow is the little trailer outside of Zingerman's Roadhouse. They offer quick, Americana food, served either via walk-in or drive-through. My Lovely Girlfriend and I ate there on Saturday, January 16. We each had a Breakfast Burrito, and I had a cup of coffee. Each burrito cost $5.95. Zingerman's Roadshow's Breakfast Burrito is rated UNACCEPTABLE.

---

MLG and I stopped at the Roadshow for some breakfast on a Saturday filled with errands. We were initially confused about just how to enter or purchase anything, as the roadshow is its own little trailer out in front of the Zingerman's Roadhouse, and has its own menu. Deciding that deciphering the drive-thru setup was out of my league pre-coffee, we parked, meandered around the side, found a door, and stepped into a vestibule between the trailer and the restaurant.

Service was instantaneous, leaving me barely enough time to pull the money out of my wallet before the burritos were in my hand. I don't know if this means the burritos were pre-assembled, or just whipped up very quickly, but the lack of complexity within certainly makes the latter an option. We got our burritos and coffee, fed the little tip jar monster, and retired to the car to eat in peace (while there is no indoor seating for the Roadshow, it looks like they have some spaces on an outdoor patio).

The breakfast burrito contained scrambled eggs, bacon, very light cheese, and some fried green pepper-like vegetables. It was wrapped in a basic tortilla, and wound up about the size of a standard Taco Bell offering. I was admittedly underwhelmed with the burrito upon purchase, specifically, at its small size. However, once I got into it, my opinion began to improve slightly.

As befits a Zingerman's production, the ingredients were superb. The bacon was thick and crisp, and full of smoke and salt flavor. The eggs were folded repeatedly, kept moist and smooth, and were offset nicely by the light cheese (probably jack?). The fried veggies, which in mine clustered toward the bottom, offered a nice bite of spice and grease.

Still, no matter how nice each individual ingredient was, they failed to come together in any sort of coherent whole. The veggies seemed like an afterthought, the wrapping was hasty, and overall, I would rather have eaten a breakfast meal with the various elements separated than the burrito format in which they came. This is not a good sign for a burrito reviewer.

Then we get to the matter of price. $5.95 is completely out of line for a burrito this small. Both MLG and I were left hungry afterwards, and were lucky to have molasseses cookies waiting for us when we stopped at my folks' place. I know that the ingredients are supposed to be high quality, but I did not feel the quantity and quality of ingredients justified the price. The slap-dash, possibly pre-made nature of the burrito did not add anything to its value. If the price came down $1.50 or more, or it was a bit bigger, I'd consider coming back, but six bucks for that offering is clearly unacceptable to me.

#001 - Zorro's Mexican Restaurante

2071 Golfside Drive, Ypsilanti, Michigan, 48197 (Yelp page)

---

In addition to dining in, Zorro's offers take-out and delivery. Their number is (734) 572-5800. My Lovely Girlfriend and I ate there on Monday, January 11th. I had the El Mariachi Loco Burrito, which featured three small burritos, one with steak, one with chicken, and one with carnitas. MLG had enchiladas. The bill was $20.95 plus tip. Zorro's is rated ACCEPTABLE.

---

So, by dint of providence, one of the closest Mexican restaurants to my apartment and gym is also the first Mexican restaurant in Washtenaw county, if you sort by reverse alphabetical order. MLG and I ate there last week, on a chilly night with snow. We came in to a nearly empty dining room, with a couple families and a bubbling fountain.

Chips and salsa were free, if unremarkable. The attitude taken towards spicing in general at Zorro's could be called "harmless," and that came through in the salsa. My burritos and MLG's enchilladas came with a red sauce that was very lightly spiced - lots of tomato and cilantro flavors were present. If you want spicy, they did have an "Ay Caramba! (Spicy)" burrito on the menu, but the basic flavor palate would best be described as refreshing as opposed to agressive.

The pleasant and refreshing tastes carried over to the burritos, particularly the steak burrito. The carnitas were well-prepared - fried neither too heavy nor to light, the chicken was, as the chips and salsa, unremarkable, but the steak was full of interesting flavors. As opposed to a fiery char, the steak was lightly seasoned with cumin, and what could have possibly been nutmeg or cinnamon. Whatever it was, it worked very will with the light, pico-de-gallo-esque tomatoes and onions used in the burritos, the bits of light cheese and cilantro sprinkled over top, and the soft yet not-too-chewy tortillas used to wrap.

At last, let's get to the sides. I don't know if it's good or bad if the rice is the best part of your meal, but mother of pearl, that was some good rice! It had a yellow tint, and had corn kernels and little bits of diced tomato and chili mixed in. It stuck together slightly, as if there was some kind of corn meal making it tacky. Whatever it was, the rice was delicious, and I could have ate much more of it.

As far as the burritos go, however, Zorro's was the very definition of "acceptable." I'd be happy to eat there again, and I'd go so far as to say that for a delivery option, they're definitely above-average. The generally unremarkable spicing keeps these burritos from a higher ranking.

The How, pt. 2

So here goes my rating system. Before launching into it, I want to share a comment my good friend Eric made on facebook (from Korea!) regarding a rating system:

The rating system is not for the rater, but for the reader. Why do we use stars, letters, tomatoes, and numbers from 0.0 to 10.0 to rate things despite the inherent flaws? Because they are conventions that readers are comfortable with and have come to expect. We all know what a "two star" movie should be like and that we would hate to get a "C" in class. So it seems to me that the question should be what do readers of the Burrito Report expect?

Let this serve as a reminder that if there is support for changing the system at any time, let me know and I'll see what I can do. Also, Eric makes it clear that I need to use a rating system that should be easy to decipher, even at a glance. Given my previously expressed distaste for rating systems that rely to heavily on signifiers (0-10, 1-4 stars, &c), I hopefully have a system here that will be pretty easy to deal with.

Each review post will be tagged with one of the following Labels:

• Unacceptable (would not eat this burrito again)
• Acceptable (if suggested to me, I would eat this burrito again)
• Recommended (would make it a point to eat this burrito again)

As I have no special experience with burritos aside from eating lots of them, the simple standard of whether I would eat there again or not seems to be appropriate. An "Unacceptable" burrito is just that: unacceptable. Life is too full of opportunities for wonder to waste time on bad food. I don't think there's no need to set up any sort of highly graduated system for bad burritos. In this case a D is as good as an F; if I wouldn't eat there again, why bother piling on? An "Acceptable" burrito is just that, acceptable. If someone asked me "want to eat at Burrito Restaurant X?" I would say yes, but I wouldn't say "Lets go eat at Burrito Restaurant X." Recommended burritos are my recommendations. I like them, I will eat them again, and think you should eat them too. These are burritos which I will say "Let's go eat at Burrito Restaurant Y" in regards to.

Additionally, each reviewed restaurant has the option of receiving:

• One star (excellent burrito - worth making a trip for if you live in Washtenaw County)
• Two stars (superlative burrito - what I would tell an out-of-town friend to eat if they were only in the area for a day or so and they asked me for a burrito recommendation)
• Three stars (Burrito of the Gods - step away from the computer, and go eat this burrito immediately)

The stars will be awarded on top of a rating of "Recommended." The star system used here is modeled off of the ratings used in the Michelin Guide, where a star is awarded sparingly, and even one star is considered a reward for a superior food preparation. The stars are awarded solely on the basis of the quality of the burrito, not the sides, not the location, not the service. I may introduce a service rating for those restaurants where it applies (Zorro's, Tio's, Not Taco Bell, &c), but not at this point.

I'll get my the graphic design monkey to whip up some snazzy graphics for stars. As soon as I start to figure out more of this "html" stuff, I'll have a tag cloud up and running soon. All reviews will be tagged with their ranking, as well as any number of stars awarded, so just hit the tag cloud to see what I recommend or dislike. The first two reviews go up this week, and a trip to Chelsea is in the works for my first review outside of the Ypsi-Arbor area. Let me know if you're interested in joining.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day (thank you local legislator John Conyers), and happy burrito!

Hey folks, sorry to say that "The How pt. 2" will be delayed, as work got nutty this afternoon (I'm writing this on my phone in court). See y'all Monday!

The How, pt. 1

The creation of a rating system has been the part that I have agonized over the most. Here I’m going to list a few viable options, and why I didn’t choose them. A post detailing the rating system I have chosen will appear later today, and your fist chance to see the scale in action should go up early next week. Ideally, I would simply write about my burrito experience, and the reader would be able to then draw their own conclusions, but a simple, at-a-glance rating is a necessary evil.

The aforementioned, adored MadisonAtoZ uses a simple A-F grading scale that should be familiar to anyone who’s made it past the 4^th Grade. This works very well for them, as the reviews can be sorted into a nice set of links by rating, with a separate category for the “Honor Roll.” I worry about this working for me, however. The seemingly simple grade scale lends itself to lots of varying gradations; was this a good C+ or a bad B-? MAtoZ solves the problem of endless dithering by having multiple graders per restaurant. More data points leads to a grade that is less subject to over-analysis and vacillation. I, being one man, doubt my ability to handle the many different levels of grade inherent in an A-F system. Also, gradeinflationohnoes.

Similarly, a straight numerical scale, be it the pitchforkmedia 0.0-10.0, the Gault Millau 1-20, or the Zagat 1-30, leaves too much room to fudge. There are just too many different possible ranks for me too handle – how can any one taster ever differentiate between a 5.8 and a 5.9? Similarly, when perfection is accompanied by such an easily recognizable round number, a rating of “10.0,” “20,” or “30” is too powerful. Will I ever see the perfect burrito in Washtenaw County? Clearly not. Will I ever see a burrito that, within the cultural, geographic, and socio-economic constraints inherent in Washtenaw County, is perfect? Probably not, but the odds are higher. In any event, the idea of such a clearly bounded numerical scale makes me get the vapors when it comes to considering high-ranking burritos.

Lastly, a basic Star System seems to be out of place. What good is a “Four Star” burrito in a world where Rolling Stone reviews albums on a scale of zero to five stars, and films on a scale of zero to four stars? Even within the same issue of the same magazine, “four stars” has completely different meanings. Then you have the Crown Macau awarding itself a “Six Star” rating, and the Burj al Arab claiming “Seven Stars;” where will it end? Overall, a zero to four (or five, or six, or seven) star system seems to lack any sort of the easily identifiable cachet it once had.

My own system, born out of this highly neurotic musing, will be up shortly. Any comments on my approach, mental state, and the amount of time I may or may not have on my hands are quite welcome.

Happy Burrito!

The When

Timing this project will be tricky. I do love burritos, true, but I also enjoy eating out in general, and I doubt I would be happy neglecting all foods aside from burritos for the next few months/years. I hope that I can review at least two per week. That will be my goal as far as the posting of reviews is concerned. Initially, reviews may come less frequently, as I have many administrative tasks regarding the project (making this website look good, swaying twitter followers, &c) to accomplish, but I hope to start banking reviews for those weeks when cashflow and time demands regretfully cut into burrito consumption.

Also, there is the issue of eating alone or with company. I do not want my life to devolve into a situation where the only thing that My Lovely Girlfriend and I do when we go out is eat burritos. While I have little qualms about sitting down and tucking in by myself, a side perspective, and the chance to taste an additional dish is quite nice. So, all readers are hereby invited to volunteer as Guest Burrito Tasters. Simply email me at washtenaw.burrito@gmail.com. Also, follow the WCBurrito twitter feed - I'll frequently post invitations if I'm about to head out; twitter direct messages can also be used to get in touch.

With a healthy dose of luck, and the support of my friends and loved ones, I'll be well on my way by the time the post over on the right (Vote if you haven't!) expires.

Happy Burrito!